One blog good, two is stupid
I've realised that posting in two places was stupid. So this is the last post for the website blog. Please go to www.tinafreeth.blogspot.com to read my current blogs from now on.
Thanks
Tina
Posted @ 11:41:07 on 18 June 2008 back to top
Finally, some BBCs on the BBC...
BBC Nineteen Seventy-Seven here reporting for Tina Freeth television....
March has been extremely busy for me. I've missed two weddings, a hen night and a christening, oh and a funeral. Sounds like a film doesn't it? Apart from being a bad friend and feeling guilty for abandoning my fellow humans during BIG occasions, I've also reinforced my beliefs that to make it as a successful writer, I need to work hard and devote my time to manifesting my goals. Yes, I am putting a lot of effort into creative endevours and still not getting any moolah, but I'm having so much fun doing the things I am doing at the moment. I've been focused on learning the craft of screenwriting and also I've been in front of the camera too making a BBC Videonation diary. Not an easy thing for the girl who doesn't like to look into mirrors very often. I'd already signed up for the screenwriting course and so I didn't mean to miss two of my friends' weddings. In my defence, I did not receive the invitations until the week before, one via a voicemail "hey Tina, wondered if you would be able to come to my wedding on Saturday?" (ermm, no) and the other had been sent to the sorting office as there was not enough postage paid on it. It was the most beautiful invitation I have ever received, shame I was unable to go to the wedding though.
From the first of March and then for the following three weekends I attended an introduction to screenwriting course. I had never done any screenwriting before and was feeling a bit lost as to how to begin one. Having no taught modules with the NAW until October (as I've done two of my main core modules and the last taught one I have to take is later in the year) I decided to learn about other things that are related to writing. I'd always figured I'd get my memoir and a few novels out of the way before I tried something new like writing for the screen or attempting a children's book. However, it feels like the Universe (fate, destiny, whatever!) has had other things in mind as there has been a perfect unfolding of events since January, each leading me onto bigger and more exciting paths. Each month since the new year has brought many amazingly creative individuals into my life, along with exciting opportunities, all I can do is thank whoever or whatever is looking after me? Is it my dead mother or my Chinese ancestors who probably can't speak English, who knows?
I'm working with energetic artists from BCU's visual communications department, all of whom are making me more confident in my ability to visually create narratives and to look at other people's work objectively and offer solutions to narrative question marks. I used to draw a lot when I was a kid but then I stopped. I was good and thought of becoming a fashion designer (but then again I wanted to be a rapper, a hairdresser, a policewoman or conversely, a robber, and a pilot), but I went off art and got into other things, namely New Kids on the Block mania and wearing baggy jeans. I'm excited to be drawing again. I forgot how fun it is to just let the hand roam freely over a piece of paper. I'm still not sure if I can illustrate my own ideas into an actual book, I think perhaps I'd like someone else to draw my visuals, but it's all right brain stuff and I feel like my imagination is being set free.
The screenwriting experience is also a new avenue for me. The BBC launched BBC Bites, a scheme to find British Born Chinese (bbc) stories and writers. I needed to send short scripts (up to two) to them by the middle of March. I had already signed up to do the SCRIPT screenwriting course which helped me hone my ideas and produce a ten page script in less than a week. I thought it would be easy, I was going to adapt one of my own short stories. I knew the characters, I knew the narrative arch, I had three acts, it was full of dialogue...but no! Man, it was a totally different experience of writing. I know that I didn't manage to write a flawless script, but I think I got the main jist of my story across. Writing for the screen, like children's books (with visuals) is a strange experience, where you use skills learnt from prose writing, but having to fix images in your mind as you write is more difficult than I first imagined. I know it's all going to help my writing in general. When writing my short stories, I do see visual images, I see my characters and their locations, yet there is still a huge difference in each medium. Children's books are fun as you can be as wacky as you like!
The scripts were sent on the 17th March and I was happy to let them go out into the world, hopefully they will make an impact on those who come across them. Fly my pretties! I didn't get much of a break as on the 18th, I was invited by BBC Videonation to a workshop for another Chinese-themed scheme called Silk Screens. Five of us were chosen to attend a three day workshop at the Mailbox in Birmingham where we would be taught by Peng Wenlan, a British Chinese filmmaker and producer, how to film our stories. I have to say that it took me three days to make friends with the camera. The first day, I hated it. It was like an alien sent from outerspace to make me look disgusting to myself, my voice and appearance really upset me. In fact, it was me that I had a problem with. Each night I would take the camera home and try to be friends with it, finally I made my peace/piece and felt happy with what I had shot. The final film will be aired on the 19th July on the BIG SCREENs all around the country. I talk about my Britishness and my Chineseness in relation to my two fathers as both exemplify my two-faces. I'm a two-faced Gemini, what can I say? Yes, there are a lot of China-related things going on, but hey it's better than there being nothing which is usually the case. Perhaps this Olympics will be the turning point for seeing more BBCs on the BBC (well and the other hundreds of channels out there). Some people I know hate all the affirmative action-type stuff going on, but honestly it's about time that there were more Chinese looking faces on the box. I've seen wonderful stuff in America and people in Chinese communities who feel empowered and represented because of Chinese-American literature and film. Over there, they still feel like it's not enough, they should come here and see how lame it is. They're got Connie Cheung doing the news, we're still waiting for our Chinese presenter to grace the six of clock news.
I've recently found a great screenwriter/director called China Moo-Young, ethnically she's Jamaican Chinese but lives in London. Her film Liar is on Film Network and it's wonderful. It has all my favourite elements, trannies, chavs, loners and hot guys in suits. It's got no Chinese people in it that doesn't matter, the fact is she's got a fucking awesome name and is just out there making her films. I think it is easier for people like her and I, who probably didn't have a strict Chinese upbringing (I can't really talk for China as I don't know what her upbringing was like, I'm surmising) - but I feel that because of my parents and their working-class ideals, I'm in a great position to create the stories that I want and to be an artist. I didn't have pressure to go be a doctor or lawyer, and I certainly didn't learn the flute or go to ballet classes. Perhaps I wouldn't have become so laissez faire about life though if I'd had a nagging mother telling me what a no good daughter I would be if I didn't marry a rich man or make lots of money myself.
Oh, I wanted to say that one of the artists I'm collaborating with is also part Chinese, Chiu Kwong Man - we're doing stories about a lemon. Yes, that's right. A lemon. Anyway, he's amazing too. So I've been totally (rad, cool dude) inspired lately by these semi-Chinese people like myself who are doing something very different and individual. I have a good good friend called SuMay Hwang who last year took part in writing a performance piece for the Drill Hall in London. Here is a link to her three minute examination of what it means to be a Chinese lesbian, or a queer Asian. It's hilarious and thought provoking at the same time. We're not all straight Chinese people... check it out! To conclude my waffle about what I've been doing this month, I would like to say thank you to the BBC for noticing us often invisble BBCs, and also look out world because I'm expanding my repetoire! lol World domination, isn't really my goal, honest.
Posted @ 23:39:37 on 22 March 2008 back to top
Bloomin' heck it's 2008!
I've been pretty rubbish at keeping my blog up to date on here and my blogspot. That is because life has been happening. Life and other misdemeanours. Most of December I was trying hard to avoid Christmas and my body had the perfect answer...the flu. Shaking my bucket for charity in cold and draughty places did not help my immune system and so I've been blogless for a while. But I'm back baby and I know that 2008 will be an important year for me in terms of my writing and career. Right now I still have no 'career' -it's a funny old word that. It's one that people band about and when you start a job (even ones you don't really want to do) they tell you how good it will be for your 'career' and that there will be 'career progression' but sometimes you just want to get by and pay the rent, not a 'career'. I do want a 'career' but I want it to be something I love doing, something that has meaning and if I make loadsa money doing it, that's perfect too!
Over Christmas my dad said to me "you love money and food, don't 'cha?" (rhetorical question) That was because I asked him for some money to buy food for the Christmas feast I cooked whilst striken with influenza. I told him that actually, if I loved money that much I'd not be living below the breadline trying to be true to myself and my aspirations to be a writer. I'd have gotten one of those graduate jobs straight from Uni where they mould you to make big bucks $$$£££. But it was never my path, I try to follow my heart, even if it does mean that I can't always buy what I'd like to. From what everyone keeps telling me - writers generally don't make much money. The average figure was somewhere between £5K and £9K a year. Thats about what I make now. Less in fact. If you know of any sponsors then send them my way, send all of them.
I have decided that to really live a good and comfortable life I have to change my view of money. I was taught to get by when I was growing up. My Mom fed a house of five people (sometimes more) on every cash, and dressed us in jumble sale clothes and (tragically) stuff from Bewise too. So 'getting by' was a notion I was raised with. I've decided I want more than to get by. You'd think that would be a huge incentive to get going with my memoir but I'm still procrastinating about it a lot.
My new years goals (not resolutions, I hate the word) are to: lose weight - I wanna be ten stone. I've not been ten stone since I was about...ten, maybe nine years old? I dunno, it was a long time ago. I also want to pass my driving test before June as that's when my theory test result expires and I have to take it again (this might not happen as I don't really have money for many lessons and you have to pay to take the test). I want to travel abroad at least twice if I can. I didn't get to fly anywhere in 2007 and it sent me a little bit nuts! I hate being cooped up..freedom is one of my favourite words! I also want to get on with my memoir and finish a draft of it. To be honest, I could write three books about myself (me me me! I'm a me me monster!) and my life, but after reading two of Frank McCourt's books and thinking he should have stopped at Angela's Ashes, I decided against a trilogy. But then again, I'm not Frank McCourt, so maybe the trilogy is still on. I'd like to spend more time with my grandmother who I'm sure has lots of stories to tell me about her life and my family's history. I'd also like to try different writing mediums/genres and am thinking of trying one of SCRIPT's screenwriting courses at The Drum this Spring. I'd like to start practicing Chinese language again and get back to being a good yoga student (I'm starting classes again next week!). What else for 2008? Erm...I'm changing from working for charities to just volunteering for them. I've joined Mothers Bridge of Love charity which helps promote East-West relations and focuses on Chinese daughters who have been adopted in the West. I also do some collecting for the RSPCA.
This brings to on to the subject of my cat, Mo who went missing Christmas Eve. I knew something was wrong when she wasn't back during the night. My mind started making up scenarios...some chavs had kidnapped her and given her to their kids as a present. She'd got run over by a white van and was squashed in the middle of the road...She'd wandered into someone's house and they'd gone away for Christmas leaving Mo with out food, friendship or a place to call 'cat home'...I posted leaflets with a picture of her around the block on Boxing Day and was quite upset. I didn't think I would be upset when she'd gone, but I expected her to at least die in my arms rather than run away or get kidnapped (is it catnapped?). Anyway, she arrived back home at midnight on Boxing Day and I was so relieved. So for 2008 I have to take better care of her and perhaps even feed her some fresh fish now and again. There is lots I hope to do this year, I think it'll be a good one and I hope a calm one. I'm tired of all the family drama and upheavals. I'd like no one to die, go mental, borrow money from me or any of those things this year. Like Jean Claude Van Damme in Universal Soldier when he says "I just want to eat." This year "I just want to write." Simple.
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted @ 22:36:03 on 08 January 2008 back to top
Porno fruit and flying geese
There are no geese in this blog. I just wanted to put the words 'flying geese' into this bit. I don't know why, I'm a writer and as such I've realised you can pretty much write anything you want. It is supposed to make sense most of the time but sometimes it's fun just to throw a curve ball in there and stick in something that completely baffles people. Who wants to be conventional?
On sunday I was part of the book launch for the Original Skin anthology which was finally published is for sale in Waterstones (Bham) and on Amazon.co.uk "roll up, roll up and get your copies before they sell out!"
I was knackered before the event, my eyes as red as the dress and shoes I was wearing. Thankfully the audience were too far way to see my eyeballs doing their impression of a red sky at night. I was glad there were free nibbles and wine.Again, I confess I had a glass of wine to wake me up and get me feeling a bit more alive. I'm going to turn into an alcohol writer! They say lots of writers are alcoholic, don't they? I was happy to see some of my friends come along to support me. One had even come all the way from London to hear me read. I wasn't sure that it was worth her coming all this way for five minutes of me reading, but I'm glad she came.
I want to say how much my family and friends have been supportive of me following my dream to write. I don't think I would have been able to do it without them. Well, not that's not true I would have followed this path eventually anyway, but it's better to have supportive people around while you're on that journey. Thankfully, many of my friends now include writers too and they understand what it means to really put your heart into the craft (not witchcraft, and I reiterate I am NOT the leader of my own cult called Uranu Uvarvu, but it would be cool if I was!).
The brand spanking new copies of the books arrived at the venue with the organiser. It was very strange seeing my story in a book. It was surreal, a bit like Paul Daniel's hair, you don't know if it's real or not. I prodded it and poked it, smelt the pages, it didn't move, it was a real published story - in a book! Bloody hell. The accompanying promo postcards had a picture of a mango, but someone pointed out that it looked like a boob. It did. I then went on to inform everyone (who would listen) that there was a boob on the postcards this image was used as the backdrop for the event. Big boob background -well, apart from my reading where I had a photo of my friend's grandmother who I based the Wai Po character on. I hope she is still alive, although I suspect that maybe she isn't as I met her a few years ago and she was already ninety-two then. Bless her, she was a cuddly sweet lady and even though I didn't know what the hell she was saying I think we created some kind of bond in the short time we spent together. The other weird thing was that this past weekend I'd been getting my dad's new flat ready and it mirrored Wai Po's story, moving to an alien environment and having to learn new skills and meet new people when he was quite old. It must be very scary when you have lived in one place for nearly forty years and then have to move because life just demands it. I wanted to dedicate my reading to him, but I didn't do it outloud. The story itself reasonates a little with my own new relationship with my Chinese grandmother whose in some ways like Wai Po, in that she is a strong woman who people warm to very fast. She is also very funny! It must be in the genes!
The reading seemed to go well. I was happy that I didn't fall down the stairs or stutter. A member of the audience asked how we came up with our titles and I think I said the word "balls" too many times. Hence, the porno fruit title of this blog. Mango breast and lychee balls abound. Once it had come out of my mouth I just wanted to keep repeating it - "balls, balls, balls". Unlike the tranny bloke in Little Britain I can't say: "I'm a lady!"
Posted @ 22:03:24 on 23 October 2007 back to top
Shake and Bake
There is a phrase we (ballers) use in basketball terminology - 'shake and bake' - it's when you have the ball and you trick your opponent by moving to one side (performing a 'fake') but quicky to the other side to disorientate the defender to get to the basket.
This blog entry is not about that.
I wanted to explain how I went from 'shaking' to 'baking' at different book events in the past four weeks.
Last month I went to Coventry to perform two of my very, very short stories - 'The Last Hao Gao' and 'Cupboard Love' at an open mic in a pub. I was nervous. More nervous than I'd ever been before. It didn't really make much sense why I was so nervous as I was up there for less than five minutes. Was it because I was reading my own work? Who knows?
All that I know is, I was SHAKING.
I had 'performed' (stood on stage reading off some red bits of card) at the Artrix Theatre in Bromsgrove (January 2006), not quite in Sophie Ward's league, but not terrible either. I played a 'comfort woman' - the main focus of theVagina Monologues that year. Each time I read 'Say It (For the comfort women)' I shook like an Asian earthquake.
My voice strained to sound out the horrific stories. The tragedy thrust upon women of Chinese, Taiwanese, and Korean descent who were abused and killed by Japanese soldiers in WWII. I managed to make people weep during each rehearsal. It felt strange making a room full of people cry. The actual performance went well, more sobbing. Job done. But the shaking, remained.
Public readings = shaking.
As a kid I was always picked as the narrator for school plays. Except for the Nativity, where I was once an angel in knee-high socks and another time the king bearing gold - but no walk on lines. A drag king aged eight.
I once represented my sunday school at a bible reading competition. I think I came third. I'm not sure they marked it, perhaps my intonation failed to inspire redemption or holiness. Yet, I did not shake when I read as a child. Why as an adult had I began to shake in public? Was it because of GLOBAL WARMING? People are blaming everything on global warming...'I've lost my keys' - 'That's because of global warming' ...
I was asked to read at the re-opening of the newly refurbished Kenrick Library last week at Birmingham City University (UCE to those who are wondering when Brum had suddenly acquired a new university). It went better. Only minor tremors, hardly anything compared to the seven on the Richter scale I had experienced a few weeks before in Coventry. I decided to practice deep yogic breathing as my fellow students and members of staff read their stuff before me. Oh, also I had a glass of wine. I don't even like white wine but it seemed to have worked.
Yogic breathing + white wine - global warming + public reading = less shaking.
Tonight, I didn't shake. I had been asked by the Birmingham Book Festival organisers to chair the evening of Chinese literature. I had already bought tickets for the event but was honoured to be a part of the evening. I was in happy to be sitting next to such interesting writers. Xinran is someone I've heard about for many years. Her charity -- Mothers' Bridge of Love I stumbled across a few years ago because I wanted more information about adopting Chinese daughters.
Rob Gifford was also part of the event, the London correspondent for the National Public Radio (USA) and expert on China, having lived there for many years. And finally, Diane Wei Liang, a novelist who had take one of my favourite genres - the detective genre - and used it as a vehicle to explore the life of her female Chinese protagonist. It was quite an experience.
The room was very humid, perhaps that is what it felt like in China? Maybe China and it's heat had come to Birmingham for an evening? Sat in front of fifty people did cause me to perspire slightly, and Diane was waving a piece of paper throughout the first session, hence the BAKING. The night went very well and everyone was given time to talk about their respective books and about China as a nation in general.
It had already been a strange day, I'd spent the morning with my dad, Ron, trying to work out the best way to move him into 'sheltered' housing for the elderly and the best way to dismantle my childhood home where I was given the name Tina Freeth. When I arrived in 1977 I was called something else, something very Chinese. No, not 'Chink' although I am sure I was called that quite a few times.
I had also spent two hours in the hairdressers trying not to fall asleep in the chair whilst my hair was washed, rubbed, cut, blow dried with a brush, straightened, curled and then straightened a bit more where the curls were too curly.
I was also exhausted from having a 2am call from my best friend whose in Florida, he asked me if I wanted to go on a cruise. I dreamily said I did. "Yes, cruise...ok...I'm sleeping." I had ignored his previous call a few minutes before as I was still half-dreaming and imaged it was China (yes the country) calling to interview me for the radio. I was afraid of taking the call because my Chinese language poor. I can order a bowl of fried rice and ask for straighter hair but I need to practice more on other phrases. But then he called back and I was a tad more awake. "I thought you were China calling me," I said. Dreams are weird.
Now, this very moment in time, I feel content with who I am and where I'm going and where I have been. I know my writing is helping me explore who I am. Therefore I include one last equation:
Chinese + English = Tina Maisie Chan Freeth.
Posted @ 22:58:54 on 15 October 2007 back to top
tYpos & LyCra
I just wanted to say that if you see any typos in my blog please please please ignore and don't e-mail me about them. I eventually slow down to read them and then I fix them after a few weeks. I just write and then I press the button toPUBLISH. I know I should be a PEDANT (like a peed on ant) but I write too fast for my editing eyes and brain to keep up and I need to go to the loo.
I need a sub-editor..any takers????
There is nothing in this post about LYCRA...I just wanted to put it in the title.
Posted @ 20:55:47 on 24 September 2007 back to top
Big Haired Writers and Adidas trainers
I woke up on Saturday and bent myself in two. (I've managed to do yoga everyday for over a week. I feel much better for it. I've not written anything new though for a few weeks.) Since early August, my memoir had been on the back burner, whilst my head has been in the oven, therefore it was good to be out at a day for readers and writers.
I arrived not knowing what to expect. I was plesantly surprised that much of it was relevant to me, more so than others I expect...
An unfamilar writer with big erratic black hair took the stage with another man with sedate hair (a literary agent no less) and I wondered if they would have anything useful for me to hear. I did think big haired man would be amusing, big haired people usually are. The writer began to talk about his memoir, newly published this year. He talked about how he hadn't read a memoir about an Asian family in Britain that wasn't all gloom and doom. Those 'misery memoirs' we are so used to seeing in supermarkets and airport lounges with sexual abuse, arranged marriages and tragic childhoods were mentioned as examples he wanted to move away from with his own work. With humour he recounted the reactions of his friends that hadn't been that supportive when he had told them he was writing a book about his childhood, how his brother wanted his sister to wear 'tighter clothes' in the prose and how it had taken him four years of interviewing and going through his diaries from aged nine to eighteen.
I had mixed feelings. I wanted to be the first 'Asian' (although in this country I'm not an 'Asian' I'm Chinese. In certain areas, I'm simply known as 'Chink'. In America I'm 'Asian', but in America I'm also asked if I'm from Austrailia when I open my mouth) to write a funny memoir, but the bastard had beaten me to it! I haven't read the book yet but his webpage is rather humourous (I looked it up yesterday) so I can imagine his book is funny too. His on stage persona was very confident and witty, as you would expect for someone who writes for The Guardian. I also felt glad that there was someone else out there who had been able to write about their Great British childhood with humour with bits of racial fluff blue-tacked to the sides. I didn't get why his book was £12.99 though. Was it because it was slightly bigger in size than your average £7.99 paperback? I can't tell. I didn't buy a copy for him to sign as I thought I had no cash. My tenner was screwed up with my cashback receipt from ALDI so I missed the chance of getting a signed copy of Greetings From Bury Park. I'm not telling you to author so you can go look it up yourself.
My writing mentor from the Original Skin project was in the audience also and one of the main reasons why I was very glad I was given Zulf was for the fact that he's not pigeon-holed in terms of his writing, his writing style, the genres he choses or the ethnicity of his characters. It's very much how I want to be as a writer. I can write what I know and it helps that I know many people, many places, many situations. I feel quite lucky to be in that position.
The next bloke was also a writer whose books I have actually seen in Waterstones 3 for 2 (the place to be I reckon) - I think I will used that answer if someone asks me where I want to be in three years time. "I would like to be 3 for 2 mate." He also had black erratic hair but longer than the previous writer. I was thinking of cutting my hair short, but hey if it's what I need to succeed as a writer I'll grow that beast to my backside and get a curly perm or something. His prose was gorgeous, imagery vivid and he had a very honest face (highly important I think). I was particularly enamoured of his bright white Adidas trainers ('sneakers' for my American readers) and the depth of his feelings for his characters. The Bloomsbury publicity lady who was interviewing him wasn't that great and I wasn't feeling her man shoes. It was funny though, during a break people were trying desperately to attach themselves to authors, agents, publicity people in hope of securing an agent and a publishing deal themselves. Bless. I don't think I would have had the balls to try to ask an agent if he thought I might be taken on with only two short stories written (ever). Luckily, I now have about fourteen short stories (maybe more, I haven't check a tally) and I really enjoyed crafting them. It's been good practice for the books I intend to write. I am almost ready to begin my search for a agent who will represent me, my writing and what I'm about to others. It's a very exciting time and unlike the first author whose friend's weren't that supportive of him writing a book, mine have been sheer rocks. Boulders in fact. He also said that a writer must be arrogant to think that they have something that other people SHOULD read. I don't feel that way about my work. It's not a position of authority that I come from, I'm not saying anyone should read my work. I know I am an idealist, but I don't believe I'm selfish by wanting to be a writer or that it's egotistical (some writers think that about their own profession). I think of myself more like a chef cooking up lovely morsels of homecooked food that fill you up and satisfy those inner urges for sustenance. I love giving dinner parties and my writing is like a literary dinner soiree, all welcome - I can cook a variety of styles to suit all palates. It's not fine dining, I'm not a literary genius, but I've never claimed to be.
Anyway, I liked the extract read from Nadeem Aslam's novel that should be out soon, it had imagery that was amazing, yes, amazing like his very white trainers.
Liz Jensen came on and gave a well structured and humourous lecture on keeping the writing momentum going, and how red wine can help with writer's block. Not a very helpful tip to those Muslims in the crowd (of which I estimate a third of the audience) who were fasting and probably don't drink wine anyway. I was very impressed by the array of different characters she has written and the varying genres her novels have been written in.
I was impressed by the day and then went to dinner with some oldish friends and a couple of recent ones. I enjoyed having to wait until 7.10pm for the fast to be broken (we were in a Muslim restaurant) when a bloke in the back started to chant or pray so everyone knew it was chow time. The food was gloriously colourful and I felt happy trying all the new flavours. The word 'vegetarian' got banded about a bit by the staff, I don't think they had entertained a vegetarian before ( I eat fish...take that comment as you will).
Posted @ 20:55:48 on 24 September 2007 back to top
Yoga whilst sleeping can be knackering
I woke up this morning more tired than before I had gone to sleep. In my dream, I taught a large gymnasium brimming with new yoga practitioners hatha yoga. My line manager wanted to teach them in a particular way, the wrong way. I stood back watching for a while, then decided to take charge. I was getting pissed off. I commanded people to take off their socks, get a yoga mat, find space - I was a bossy yoga teacher, but I wanted them to do it right. I remember going through a full yoga session with them.. Knackered - I woke up. I have to say that being a yoga teacher whilst asleep is really exhausting. I did have the feeling that I could teach yoga if I wanted to and that I probably did have the ability to make the masses become more flexible...either that or I could start my own cult.
Today I had yogurt for breakfast, fruit for lunch and yogurt for supper. I forgot to eat the salad I took to work to eat about 4.30pm because I was going to a SCRIPT workshop straight afterwork. I have to say though I'm still full up from the burger and chips, the quiche and chips and the 3/4 of a loaf I've eaten in the past three days. I had chips on Wednesday too. I really shouldn't drink alcohol as I need to eat chips when I do. Should I impose my own no-eating-chips ban?
I need a holiday. It's been almost a year and I'm starting to go cranky, hence the chips. I wonder if I'll dream about pilates tonight?
I met a few more writers tonight, one of them I recognised from a poetry evening I went to last year at Starbucks - Shawn Kelly. He was memorable because he had bright red hair (still has a bit) and had worn a bow tie, there was also a vague recollection of a penguin in his act but then I thought maybe I had made that part up. But I asked him and he did indeed have a penguin. I like penguins.
There was an interesting debate about writing for love and writing to be produced (or for money) - I believe you can do both. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive and that is my aim. I've made an investment in myself, both financially and in my time. You have to really want it, to believe that it is going to happen and you have to work at it. Write, rewrite and rewrite some more. It's such an exciting time for me right now. I think I've moved from 'new writer' to 'developing writer' in a short time, it really has been a whirlwind year.
Shame I haven't gone from overweight person to not overweight person. It's bugging me that my clothes are getting tighter and that I keep getting a belly like a balloon. I'll write a collection of stories about a girl with a belly that keeps floating away against her will, she'll shout: "Come back down here renegade stomach!" I don't know who would read such a thing.
Posted @ 21:55:57 on 03 September 2007 back to top
Raw Ready Meals
Hoorah it's September. My horoscopes say I must write about food again!
I've just got in from eating at The Green Room - I had quiche, chips and salad. It was lovely. Cooked food is yummy!
I found a website yesterday called Funky Raw as I was following up a item in Mslexia magazine that said they wanted writers. Yeah, I could write about raw food, right? What is there to say? You peel the carrot and then eat it? Easy right? I could jazz it up and make it more appetising using my literary skills, perhaps that is why they put an advert in a literary magazine.
Take the peeler in you dominant hand and firmly, with smooth even stokes caress the skin of the carrot. Repeat the action, over and over. You will feel the tender strips fall into the clear bowl like russet leaves falling from a tree. With ease that the task itself becomes sublime...
No problem, I could write about peeling veggies.
The website promotes a raw diet, nothing cooked...I sort of liked the idea of it, kind of like when I wanted to become a nun when I was younger. That idyllic notion of growing your own food on a hillside and singing "The hills are alive with the smell of onions!" - there was always something beautiful in the idea of being a nun for me. Something simple and pure. So to the idea of eating nothing but a raw food diet appealed to me for a fleeting moment in the same way.
Celibacy + raw food = pure and good???
Sex + cooked food = pure evil (pressure cooker users are going straight to hell!)???
I know myself that when I've had lunches of raw carrots, lettuce and peppers (with houmous, so techinically not all raw) my skin has glowed and I've felt brilliant. BUT I couldn't eat raw everyday. No way. There is something comforting and fulfilling about a bowl of warm homemade soup on a cold winter's night or porridge with honey on a chilly morning. A piece of celery and a slice of melon just wouldn't cut it.
On the website they say that we're the only animals that cook food. I suspect that if animals had access to fire and animal friendly pans they too would like to cook their prey on gas mark 5 for 40 minutes with a sprinkle of pepper and mixed herbs.
I'm in agreement that raw food has it's benefits, but after seing a photo of the raw 'chocolate pudding' I've decided never to have a raw dessert (other than fruit). Please decide for yourself: http://www.funkyraw.com/philosophy/recipes.php it looked like a dollop of runny poo with some narcotics on the side. Not good. Perhaps you need to be high for this pud to do it for you?
Anyway, I've come up with a new formula: sex whilst eating a three course cooked meal (preferably with chips) = very good
Posted @ 23:12:40 on 01 September 2007 back to top
Lemons and Honey
Today was a non-day. That is to say all my plans were thwarted by feeling rather ill when I woke up. I had remembered three dreams that itself was slightly unusual, I suppose. I often remember one dream per morning, perhaps two, but I recelled three distinct dreams. In one of them my Mom (whose passed away) was a guest at the house where I'm living now. She was in good spirits and we ate some chips together. It was good seeing her and she looked happy. It's always comforting to have her appear in my dreams. Maybe she knew I was going to be feeling sick today, who knows? The next dream (actually I'm not sure what order they were in)...I was at a Spice Girl Reunion concert and it was overflowing into the streets of a sleepy village. Groupies were filing down little streets following the Spicers and then Take That appeared and started to sing too. Very, very bizarre! The third dream was set in an old prefab flat, it was definitely council and my friend from Uni lived there with her boyfriend...and along the way someone was playing airhockey...
In real life, I met my dad and went to Starbucks and he lamented the price of a a cup of tea and a slice of cake. I told him people paid for the 'experience' but really he's right, a cake that costs about 50p to make can turn over a profit of about a tenner. But we still go there anyway. I think I should open a cafe myself one day - literary cafe like those they have in America where people read, study and perform. Things are more vibrant over there - I miss that.
So I came home after meeting him even though I had lugged my laptop to town to do some writing. I also felt bad about cancelling another meeting with a fellow writer due to feeling very rundown and 'under the weather'. I got into bed about 1.30pm and slept for four hours. I've also been inflicted with a pain in my left foot. Now this is a strange thing, as it feels like a pain I got when I played basketball at Uni, but I haven't done anything remotely sporty for the few days. I woke up and my foot hurt (it's flat which doesn't help)...was I running in my sleep? Did I astral travel? Did I go sleep running around the park at 4am and not notice that I hurt my foot? I can't explain it. I think it's my body and mind telling me to switch off for a while. It's saying "Tina, stop thinking, stop worrying about work, stop running all over the place..."
I went to buy lemons. I remembered when I was a child if I had a cold my mom would boil lemons and put masses of honey into the mixture and I would drink the sour sweet concoction - so I did that this evening. I mothered myself. I missed her today. I feel better now though.
Posted @ 22:32:25 on 31 August 2007 back to top
Bring on September!
I'm hungry. It's nearly 9pm and I'm contemplating having porridge and honey (yes, breakfast) right now. I forgot to eat until 2pm today. I went to work with a bag of fruit I was going to cut up and eat but I forgot, work was hectic and not in an enjoyable way. My head was muddled and I didn't eat. I'm half tempted to run out and get a samosa, three samosas...Not only would that be bad because of the high fat content and the time of night, but it would be bad because I had one yesterday about this time too, to accompany the fish and chips I also scoffed. I had to then add Branston pickle, mayo and ketchup. Talk about overkill. I shouldn't drink, when I drink I eat crap. I don't want to make a habit of it - THE NINE O' CLOCK SAMOSA SYNDROME - eat at your peril. Ding Ding, it's nine o' clock and all is well, and Tina has absconded to the chippy again for fried triangles of vegetable! A big part of the reason I became a semi-vegetarian (I was a full one but it became hard to eat with my Chinese family when we met up), was to eat more healthier. I do for the most part, we have an organic fruit and veg box delivered each week and tonight we had four round things that we couldn't identify. It was like GUESS WHO for vegetables - it's yellow, the size of a lemon (but isn't a lemon) and has a green stalky bit like a pumpkin, but skin textured like a courgette. We roasted them. If in doubt, roast the f***ers!
I've been swearing a lot today - I rarely swear and I rarely crave fat. Something must be up. I just wanted to get home and eat. Perhaps I was cranky because I missed my breakfast? Maybe it's soon to be 'ladies week' or maybe it has something to do with the lunar eclipse a couple days ago that has messed with my sunny disposition. I'm definitely on a rampage! I wrote a story this week which for me was rather dark. I've done a few 'dark' things so I can't say that I am a comic writer, although a lot of my writing has comedy in it.
Shall I have breakfast food or a samosa?
I am writing about other things these days but food does pop up quite a lot in my work. I can't help it. It's everywhere, like oxygen!
I am looking forward to the new month beginning soon. My life is getting busier and busier, I need a holiday but have engagements for weeks to come. It's a good thing and it's a bad thing. I miss jumping on planes at the drop of a hat and a swipe of a metal detector...
Posted @ 20:46:46 on 30 August 2007 back to top
Home Sweet Home
I'm home after a day at work. My little office was rather prolific, I've decided that delegating is the way to go. I had three volunteers in my office - all of whom worked really hard. I've been really impressed by the quality of people I've been getting to come and help me lately. Really nice people who can get on with what you give them. Tasks which would have taken me months to do if I was alone have taken just a few hours, so I'm happy about that. It's less pressure on me.
I also showed some people my website, yes, this website and I was pleased by the positive comments. I think because I did it myself it feels more personal - the website Im talking about. It's like another story I've created in a way. Moods, characters, settings, structure...when I was constructing the site I made the biography a third person piece, but obviously my blog is first person and some of the other things on the site are also written that way. I write as ME a lot of the time, although I've also learnt to create new characters who are are not me. I want to play more with my writing, to create the most absurd or abstract characters I can imagine, to try to make up my own landscapes and situations, just have fun with it and see what comes out. The most boring thing would be to always write the same.
My housemate and I are cooking. We've got enough vegetables in the house to feed half of Russia. Yummy!!I am so happy I have four days off work!
Posted @ 22:40:06 on 23 August 2007 back to top
Dot-Bloody-Com
http://www.tinafreeth.com/ has gone LIVE!!!! Well, obviously, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, it would only be me and the techno geek from the hosting company. My last post was written as I had to get the chicken off my chest.
Anyway, I'm finally on the web! My mom, Jean would have been proud, she always loved the phrase "dot com" - that is because she didn't actually know what it meant, but because she would always hear it on the tv she had to find out what it was - "What the bloody hell is a dot com? What's with all the dot coms? It's dot come this and dot come that." Yes, she would be amused that a Freeth was now a DOT BLOODY COM!
Five days isn't bad to get a web site up and running is it? I've had a great deal of fun colour co-ordinating the fonts and backgrounds. I've also enjoyed manipulating my face using computer programs. It's amazing how glam one can look using a mouse and a click of a button. The airbrushing myth isn't a myth, anyone can look good with the right amount of computer savvy. People say "Ah Tina, you're so photogenic!" The ratio of bad shots to good shots is about 20:1. I delete all the ones where I have a double chin, or a 'flat face', or where I accidently smile with my mouth open. Like Posh Spice, I look better with "me gob shut!" However, I am happy with what I have done thus far with the site. The website design and construction of an online persona has been really good for me. I've enjoyed being creative and I even went out and bought some acrylics and some canvases to have a go at painting. I have no idea how to use acrylics but I'm going to have a go at just letting loose with a brush and a bit of imagination. See what comes out. It's a bit like my writing to be honest.
I haven't written anything new for a while, well I did begin something last week but it's gone into my 'unfinished stories' folder. I have found that sometimes you need to give up on something if it's not flowing onto the page. Not forever though. You tend to go back to it with new eyes, or a maybe pair of glasses. I would say that most of my work is much improved after it's been left a few months. Like cheese or wine. Maybe? In the unfinished story, I brought back to life a character I had killed off in my first short story. I know, I'm bit mean to make do away with a character when I'd only just introduced them to the world, what can I say? I'm a bastard.
Posted @ 22:39:17 on 22 August 2007 back to top
I feel like chicken tonight.
Today, as I'm trying to construct my own website whilst sitting in my pyjamas I ponder who'll look at it. My friends? Family? Co-workers? Fellow students? I hope not the bloke with four screaming kids next door. He has a wife but we don't see as much of her in the back yard as the rest of the family. They kindly gave us an offering a couple of weeks ago...chicken biriyani and rice in a glass dish with a lid on it. Only Mo eats meat in our house, she's my cat. My housemate took the offering as the neighbour said "She made this for you," (in a matter of fact, take the dish of food, my wife wants friends - kind of way).
Now, if I had answered the door I would have said: "I'm sorry, but we're semi-vegetarians and don't eat meat." However, my housemate is considerably nicer than I am, she couldn't refuse the gift. We looked at it for a while, wondering what to do with the bits of dead animal strewn amongst the pilau rice. I called my most carnivorous mate, who is trying to wean himself from Big Macs and who happens to live down the road, but he was at his Nan's ravaging a roast chicken.
After about two hours of staring at it, I took the dish and washed the curry off the chicken. It felt wrong somehow running water over cooked morsels of chicken. I did it because Mo wouldn't eat the curry . The spices may not agree with her little stomach. Although she does eat flies and I'm sure they are worse for your than curry spices. There were quite a few meaty pieces. I was happy for my cat to have something different instead of boring cat meat every day.The disposal of the curry and rice was an ordeal. I had to act swiftly, the kitchen sink is overlooked by the neighbours' upstairs window. I ducked down out of view when throwing the rice away - that was the most heartless part. I didn't want to be caught doing such a heinous thing as feeding the gift of poultry to my feline friend and then chucking the rest of it in the bin - it is punishable by death in some countries (only kidding). I work for a humanitarian charity and people are starving to death in the world, I hate waste, especially food waste. I wasn't called the "human rubbish bin" for nothing you know.
The empty dish sat on the kitchen table, along with my guilt. I refused to take it back in case they asked me how it tasted. I imagined telling the truth again: "Oh, I didn't eat it I'm afraid, I don't eat meat anymore." But then if they asked if my housemate ate it, again I would have to shatter their perceptions of us, the nice girls next door and fib. Dilemmas.The return of the dish was solved when my housemate took the dish back filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies. I think they got the better deal - the cookies were delicious (I polished off about eight myself). I'm waiting for the next instalment of meat that we won't eat. Or rather, the lovely meat for my cat (glass half full). I've concocted a series of white lies but hope I don't have to use any of them:
1) We've now become veggie. Or I'm a veggie and my housemate is trying it out.
2) I'm fasting/detoxing to rid myself of the evil within.
3) I can't eat chicken because of bird flu and obviously because I'm Chinese I'll be more likely to be infected....
How did simple lovely gesture of kindness spiral out of control and turn into a series of deceptions? Well, I suppose it hasn't really. I just like to think it has, gives me something to write about!
Posted @ 22:37:49 on 17 August 2007 back to top
